Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
