PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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