Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
