Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Less talking, more tequila
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
