theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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