I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
