quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
