What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
