her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
