failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
