My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
