they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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