were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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