East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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