i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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