I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
