Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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