Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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