I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i think my cat just said my name.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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