Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
