My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
