i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
