i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
