My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
