I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
sex in a hospital.. check
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
