Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize