i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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