Buhtt sex?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
