I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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