If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
