The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
