I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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