Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
