i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
