this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
