I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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