My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
