i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
