those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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