youre lurking in front of me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
