Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
