Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
