I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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