Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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