i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
