I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
