I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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