How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
