I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
