Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
