You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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