you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
