he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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