your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize