I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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