I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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