a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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