I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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