At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
