What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
