I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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