My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
