do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
