he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
