so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
