Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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