My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
