so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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