we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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