when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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