He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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