That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
