Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
