Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
