It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
