well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
