nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
